One year ago I was laying in a hospital bed listening to doctors as they diagnosed my condition that brought me there, telling me how they were going to treat said condition by sticking a tube through my nose (not pretty). And they said “Oh by the way, you have cancer”. The bottom fell out of the world as I knew it, my world, my life “before cancer”. And the rest, as they say, is history.
The memory of this caused me pain and anxiety the last couple weeks. All the memories and “feels” still SO fresh a year later. I didn’t really expect that. I’m typically a positive person. But, we are truly changed by this, this cancer. I suppose I will realize just how much as time goes on.
I spoke with my radiologist about it when I met with him the other day for a follow up appointment. He said it is not uncommon. A PTSD. Trauma. “You experienced quite a trauma”. Hell ya I did. Me, my family, my friends….. But talking to him, realizing I am not alone in these types of painful memories, made me more comfortable in where I am now. and that is, not alone!
I share this for you, a fighter or survivor, so you know, you are not alone. Life after cancer, MAKING plans, moving on, seeing so many things differently, not taking the crap you may have before cancer, helping others with words and encouragement and great big hugs or *hugs*.
I’m stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I beat you.